Enjoying Life As A Youth 3 Out of 3: “I Wanted To Stop, But He Had Plans”

Divine intervention, conversion, and new beginnings are real. As I begin this final series of Enjoying Life as a Youth, I want to share my journey as His servant. The person you see today, writing these articles and serving as a youth leader–did not get here without struggles.

By fourth grade, social media became my escape. I watched others post pictures of happy families and perfect moments with friends, and I couldn’t help but feel excluded. I convinced myself that God was withholding His blessings from me, that He played favorites. Resentment grew in my heart, not just toward Him, but toward my parents as well.

“Lord, just take this pain away. I can’t do this anymore.” As a teenager, I prayed those words countless times. I didn’t understand God’s plans, but I was certain they were breaking me. No one truly knew how much I was hurting, and I carried wounds–both visible and invisible. I struggled with myself to the point of self-harm, searching for love from anyone just to validate and ease the pain.

“Lord, I want to die.” Even Elijah, one of God’s prophets, once said those words (1 Kings 19), but God gave him the strength to go on. Looking back, I realize He did the same for me. No matter how much I wanted to give up, His strength was always greater than mine. My relationship with my family, and especially with God, was strained, yet they never abandoned me. They stood by me, showing me what unconditional love truly meant.

After a difficult breakup with someone I loved a year ago, my sister told me that our mother had been praying for me all along. That realization humbled me. It was a divine intervention that changed my heart.

A new life and beginning started way before I knew it even happened. I remember that I was still dirty, living a life of my own which was against His will but our Parish Youth Coordinator, ate Aiko appointed me to be one of her Pangulo Sa Batan-on, Zone Youth Coordinator, and the Asst. Formation Head of the San Pablo Youth Apostolate Core Group (SPYA CG).

Out of guilt, I used to ask our Parish Youth Coordinator, “Why me?” She would simply reply, “Why not?” She reminded us that it wasn’t her who chose us—it was Him. Our patron saint, St. Paul, was once a persecutor, even taking part in stoning someone to death. Yet he became a saint and a messenger of the Gospel. Why would God call someone like him? Because His love is greater than our sins. It’s His love, not our sins.

Now, after four years as a youth leader within zone 7, I can say with certainty that His mercy changed me. His mercy saved me. I am one of the living proof that He is real, that He forgives, and that He calls even the most broken. I wanted to stop, but He had other plans. His mercy gave me a reason to keep going, to embrace life, and to find joy in serving Him. My strength may not always be enough, but His love will always sustain me. (Sophia Beatrice V. Sison | San Pablo Youth Apostolate)