Legal Separation (Part 2)

This is the usual background of a legal separation case. Juan and Ana were in love, got married, had two children. Juan had a good job in a corporation. He later had a mistress. Ana felt bad she had to stretch the family budget because Juan also supported his mistress. When number two gave birth, Ana had enough. She filed a legal separation case. Court records show that for every 10 legal separation cases, 9 are filed by the wife. It is very, very rare that a wife commits adultery. It is very, very common for a husband to have a mistress, kabit, querida, no. 2; the husband is naglalaro ng apoy, namamangka sa dalawang ilog, tumutorotot. The husband denies everything.

In some cases, the wife go to court bonga dressed, jewelries, make up to show she is not hurt by the husband’s unfaithfulness, laughing in the outside but deeply wounded crying in the inside. Sometimes I tell my staff to tell the wife to wear plain, shabby “Yaya” clothes, no make up, no jewelries, plain chinelas so the crowd will sympathize with her. I remember a wife inside the court room, pinching her baby girl who cried. The poor wife wanted to shout to the world, please help me and my children. The baby’s cry might get sympathy and attention from the crowd and the judge.

Pride, arrogance, anger is the husband’s weapon in court in the way he moves and talk, angry because he gave his family everything; house, car, appliances, good education and this is the thanks his wife gives him. Pride, arrogance, fear because his place in the company might be affected by his womanizing. He does not care about the pain he caused to his wife and children. In one case, during a recess, I saw the husband shouting/scolding his children for not respecting him; expecting his children to side with him saying, “mga walang hiya, walang utang na loob, kasi ang nanay ninyo mababang klase”.

The law requires the judge to try to reconcile the couple. When in my chamber, the husband is angry in body language, the wife is crying softly, can hardly talk, with head down as if she did a bad thing to her husband, as if it is her fault. I feel sick in my chamber because it is filled with the anger, arrogance of the husband, sadness, pain of the wife.

When I ask how often do you go to church, the usual answer is only the wife and the children go. The gentle answer of the wounded, forsaken, wife is shown by a balak of my uncle Tiyo Poldo Vega, who wrote “Kabus ug Talamayon, imo pang samaran, napukan na sa yuta, imo pang lud-an, unsa ba ang kalag mo wala ka bay kamatayon”. Pilita Corrales sang “Kapait sa Kahimtang kong kabus, kung mahigugma ka kanunay mag antos, mawad-an unta sa kalipay kay gugma kong kabus imo nga gitamay.”