My Ex and My Best friend

Dear KNOT,

Ako si Jane. Ang hirap kapag trinaydor ka ng sarili mong kaibigan. I trusted her so much, na halos lahat ng sekreto ko at personal ko na mga hinanakit, alam niya. We’ve been best friends since time immemorial. Until such time na nangyari ang betrayal. Akala ko nga na sa teleserye ko lang ito naririnig, pero nangyayari pa rin talaga ito sa totoong buhay. My best friend betrayed me because she dated my ex-boyfriend. Hindi ko alam kung mafo-forgive ko pa siya.

Should I forgive her? Or okay lang ba na forgive but never forget?

Nagmamahal,

Jane

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Dear Jane,

You are not the only one who experiences such a betrayal. The pain is intense especially if your best friend is the one involved. However, I would like to clarify the situation. Is the guy already your ex-boyfriend when they started dating? If this is the case, it may not be a betrayal, unless they are dating while you are still in a relationship with the guy.

Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. It does not happen right away as you articulate the words “I forgive you”. You have to make a decision to let go of the pain and the process starts from there. It may be a daily struggle on your part since the pain was inflicted by two people closest to you.

Is it okay to forgive but never forget? Forgiveness, if sincerely given, heals the wound even if the scars are still there. By yourself alone it is very much an uphill battle but with God’s intervention the journey to healing is borne with light-heartedness and with strength. Let prayer be your anchor as you draw lessons from this experience. God has reasons for allowing this to happen and it is always meant for you to grow as a person, to grow in faith that He loves you more and always desires what is best for you.

By the way, as far as trust is concerned, you don’t have to open all your “heart and soul” to someone even if you consider yourselves as best friends. Keep something for yourself and God alone. Not everyone can handle “secrets” which eventually ceases to be a secret once disclosed to others.

God bless you.

DJ Cheng and Ate Emily

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