Si Gerry

(God’s Love Will See Me Through)

Dear KNOT,

Ako si GERRY. Isa akong leader sa aming Christian community.

Maraming magagandang nangyari sa akin, at sa aking pamilya sa taong 2019. Nakapagbakasyon kami sa Palawan at Bohol kase yun ang gusto ng aking pamilya. We did swimming, nature-tripping, snorkeling, at scuba diving. Kumain na magkasabay. Tunay na family bonding.

Masaya ang taon hanggang sa nang patapos na ito, limang araw bago magpasko, may di inaasahang nangyari sa akin na ikinagulat ng pamilya ko. Plano naming umatend ng family reunion sa Pasko kaya naghanda na kami. Nag impake at ibiniyahe ko ang aming aso upang maalagaan sa farm. Kinagabihan, eksaktong alas 11:15, habang nagda-drive, may bigla na lamang tumawid ng kalsada at natamaan ng aking sasakyan.

Hindi ko siya napansin, DJ Cheng. Nakasuot ng itim na t-shirt, itim na pantalon at may dalang itim na bag. Hindi ako antok. I was in full attention habang nagmamaneho. Ang naalala ko lang ay ang silaw ng headlight ng nakasalubong ko na truck.

Huminto ako, nang bumaba ako, isang katawan ng matandang lalaki ang aking nakita. Hindi ko malaman ang aking gagawin. Napaiyak ako na may halong guilt feeling. Gusto kong tumulong. Gusto kong sumurrender. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa oras na yun. May nagsabi sa aking huwag ko nalang daw lapitan kase nasa paligid lang ang mga relatives ng biktima.

Buti nalang, may napadaang taxi, na sumama sa akin sa pinakamalapit na police station. Na rescue si manong ngunit DEAD ON ARRIVAL. Taka, hiya, takot, kalungkutan, galit at kawalan ng pag-asa hanggang sa napatanong ako sa DIYOS.

Tinawagan ko ang aking asawa. Naghysterical si Misis na dahil sa pagpapanic, ang akala ng aming kasamahan sa Community, ako ang nabundol, kaya pumunta ang iba sa accident site na may dalang medicine kit.

Bilib ako sa mga “anghel” na pinadala ni Lord, sa pamamagitan ng mga brothers and sisters ko. Sinamahan nila ako hanggang sa ma detain ako sa presinto. Nandun din silang kumausap sa pamilya ng biktima, hanggang sa makalabas at makauwi ako ng bahay. Ang iba, ay sinamahan ang aking pamilya sa bahay, habang inaasikaso pa ang aking papeles.

Kahit ang mga pulis ay namangha sa tulong at suporta na aking nakuha. Lubos akong nagpapasalamat sa Diyos na andyan lalong lalo na sa mga oras ng pagsubok.

Napagkasunduan ng aking pamilya na ishoulder nalang namin ang lahat ng gastos at pagkatapos ay di na sila magdedemanda. Napakabait ng kanyang kamag-anak. Sagot yon sa aming dasal na sana ay hindi mahirap para sa kanila ang patawarin ako. Hanggang ngayon, ay kinukumusta pa rin nila ako kung na overcome ko na ba ang trauma.

Pagkatapos ng yugtong iyon ay ayaw ko na munang tumuloy sa reunion. It was a day before our flight. Ang sabi ko sa misis ko ay icancel o rebook nalang kase gusto kong magkulong sa kwarto.

Ngunit di pumayag ang asawa ko. Ang sabi niya makakabuti kung ituloy namin ang trip, kaya dinalaw namin ang aking pamilya at in-laws. Alam nila ang nangyari ngunit wala kahit isa ang nagtanong sa akin. Si misis ang tinatanong nila.

Fresh pa ang pangyayari, DJ Cheng. Tuwing ako nalang mag isa at tuwing nakikita ko ang sasakyan sa garahe, naalala ko si Tatay. Isang amang namatay dahil sa akin. Isang senior citizen na dapat sanay nagpapahinga sa kanilang bahay ngunit nag-overtime para makatulong pa sa pamilya.

Napaisip ako na kung may iba lang sana akong ginawa sa mga oras na yun, wala sanang namatay sa aksidente sa daan. Ngunit, unti-unti ko nang tinatanggap ang katotohanan. May nabundol ako na naging sanhi ng kanyang kamatayan. Ipinagdarasal ko nawa’y sumalangit ang kanyang kaluluwa.

Salamat sa regalo ng simbahan, isang CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY at pamilyang nariyan para sa akin.

Nagmamahal,
Gerry

* * * * * *

Dear Gerry,

After reading your story, I couldn’t help but be amazed at how profound the reflections, realizations as well as insights were, amidst all the moments of darkness, fear, guilt, shame, anger, sadness and even hopelessness. I saw the person who seemed to be so intimate with God that listening to His Words through the Scriptures clearly bespeaks of how powerful and life-changing their relationship is. I saw the person who totally abandons the self to the loving embrace of Him whose love remains strong, constant and never falters. I saw the person whose unwavering trust and deep faith in the God of restoration sustains the light of hope and the assurance of healing the brokenness after that fateful incident.

Why do things happen the way they do? We don’t know. Only God knows.

This brings back to mind the story in one of the books which I came across. It told of a farmer who had a horse and it ran away into the woods. The farmer’s neighbor pitied him and said how sad it is to lose the only horse.

But the farmer replied, “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” A few days after, the farmer’s only horse came back from the woods with many other horses. Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows? Then the farmer’s son, while trying to ride on one of the horses, fell off and broke his leg which was then amputated. Once again the farmer’s neighbor pitied the son for this predicament. But the farmer again replied, “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” A year or so after, war broke out and all males in the place were summoned to serve in the war. When the military officer came to the farmer’s house, he saw the son with only one leg, hence, was not qualified. Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows? God knows.

Indeed, only God knows. We just could not fathom His plans. Our tribulations today may be blessings in disguise for tomorrow. This reminds us that our blessings come in so many ways and forms which may be very humbling on our part. Nevertheless, only our unwavering faith and trust in Him could give us the courage to withstand any storm in our journey through life.

God uses human factors to make His love, His presence, His mercy and compassion, His interventions felt. Persons you can trust, a priest, pastor, counselor, your family and loved ones, a Community where you belong, are His hands, ears and heart to support, lift up your drooping spirit, encourage and strengthen you along the way, as He grants you the healing of your brokenness.

Time and space for prayers and more prayers are very powerful armaments to win the battles along the journey. This is one precious gift the Lord provides where that intimacy grows more and more profound and a source of comfort as well as consolation.

Carry on and continue to savor God’s blessings as He continues to pour His bountiful graces in every step you take.

Rest assured of our prayers for you, too.

You are precious in God’s eyes and He loves you through and through!

DJ Cheng and Ate Emily Madrona