My Mother or My Wife

In 1994 Guo Way Fei from China’s Anhui province, was in a boat with his wife and mother. His wife and mother fell off the boat. He saved his wife first before reaching his mother who was already sinking. In the media interview, he said he rescued his wife first because she was nearest to him. Guo’s father said he should have saved his mother first. The TV radio newspaper polls showed more than one half agreed he should save his wife first. Singapore’s media picked up this human-interest story and made a survey. A radio announcer, if I saved Mama, my father will blame me. But Mama is kindhearted and would have saved his wife first. You have only one mother but you can marry again.

Engineer A said he will save his mother first because she is old and will not last long in the water. A polytechnic lecturer said he would save his mother because his wife is a strong woman and will last longer floating. Businessman M said he will save his wife first because he knows that is what his mother would want. Electronic Supervisor M said he will save his mother first because his wife can survive. A kind grandmother S said, “I have already lived my life. My son and my daughter in law are just starting. Besides a mother can only be a mother while a wife can be a mother and wife to the husband.” A teacher T said he would save his wife first because the Bible says a man must leave his parents to be one with his wife. Besides, our 4 months old boy is breast feedings. If he wants Yogurt, Grandma can buy yogurt. If he wants fresh human milk, only my wife can do it because I cannot produce milk.

A lady teacher answered, if you ask the wife, she’d want to save first but if the same wife has a son, she’d expect to save first. Not that I don’t love my wife, but I wouldn’t be in this world without Mama. A lady psychologist lectured: this is an unfair question no man will tell his mama I will save my wife first. He doesn’t want to hurt mama but the needs of a wife are stronger than the needs of the mother and the mother should expect that. A religious leader said, religion teaches you to save lives, but you have to make a choice, whom can you save first. For secular leaders, the new family nucleus is the priority.

Family and Marital therapist G says husbands are reminded that the welfare of their wives come first. He appealed to wives not to test the loyalty of their husbands. Besides, nobody can predict outcomes, we may say one thing at one point in time. But the quick instant decision a person makes will depend on the bonding he has with the person he saves as the sub-conscious level takes over. Clearly therapist G is not married.