What Am I Truly Carrying?

It was the Saturday after Ash Wednesday when I attended the DAYCA Youth Assembly, a gathering of young leaders from the parishes of the Archdiocese of Davao. I thought it would be light, just the usual, listening and participating while at the same time looking after the young leaders entrusted to me, no longer new to me.

I was seated beside a close friend, a fellow youth from my parish, while listening to the facilitator’s input. As we listened, we also shared thoughts, sometimes responding to what we heard, agreeing with the facilitator’s points, and even relating them to our parish situation. Then a slide appeared. “What are you carrying?”

Only four words, yet they entered my heart so powerfully. I can no longer remember the exact moment it happened. One thing is certain. Tears flowed freely in the middle of the crowd. My mind began to wander, supplying my fragile heart with memories of what softens and breaks it. I remembered a cross I silently carry, a cross no one asked me to take, but one I chose in the name of love.

The event continued joyfully. I learned a lot and had a great time with my fellow young servants. I was happiest when I listened to their stories and experiences. They were joyful and beginning to embrace their roles, recently entrusted to them. I thought that was it. But the process had only begun.

Days after, as I scrolled through my uploaded photos and reminisced about the experience, I saw the photo again, “What are you carrying?” and once more, I was moved even deeper. A lot. Yes, I carry a lot. Heavy, it is. Painful, yes. Difficult, truly.

I carry a lot, but all with love. Heavy it is, yet there are hands that carry it with me. Painful, yes, but joy always meets me along the way. Difficult, truly, yet I am able to carry it by His grace.

With all the loads entrusted to me, I sometimes feel like I am carrying too much. With all the responsibilities I juggle, tiredness often meets me. Yet what fuels me are the stories of my fellow youth, both those I hear and those I witness. I have seen many cry and still persevere. I have witnessed downfalls, yet I have still seen them smiling and serving His Holy Catholic Church. What a grace.

As we pause this Lent, let us allow God’s grace to enter. “What are you carrying?” I am carrying a lot, but all with love, for all is grace. If I were given the chance to return to the day when my yes to these responsibilities was asked, I would still say yes. I would still choose to carry them, even knowing they would be heavy. For the Lord will give me hearts to journey with, to guide, and to look for me. And I will always meet joy along the way. This is all grace. It is from the Lord, and I give it back to Him. About the cross I silently carry—it is a gift, one of my greatest gifts. And at some point in my life, I was the one being carried, and that same gift carried me too, even without being asked to do so.

Now, I wonder if another soul was also touched that day, perhaps on another slide, at another time, in another room of the venue. I hope we all were, or at least many of us. I hope they encountered Him too. For what a grace it is to encounter Him through love, through witnessing love, and through seeing God present in people’s stories. And so yes, I carry a lot. And all the joys and sorrows that come with this will be carried with my greatest companion, my Jesus Christ.

Now I move forward with confidence, knowing that He will be with me in everything I carry. For what I am truly carrying is His love, a love that always keeps me going.

“What are you carrying?” Yes, you. What are you carrying? Consider this a sign. Carry it with Him. So help us, God. (Jozeil C. Crodua, SoCCom)