Finding Him in the Silence

As Holy Week approaches, I find myself looking back on my journey with God. It is not a perfect one, but a real and honest one. There were many times when I questioned Him, moments when I doubted His existence, and seasons when I felt completely lost. Life brought hardships that weighed heavily on me, and instead of drawing closer to Him, I found myself drifting away.

In those moments of pain and confusion, it was easy to believe that He was distant—or worse, not there at all. But looking back now, I realize that even when I was the one who walked away, He never did.

Despite my doubts and my struggles, God continued to sustain me. He placed people in my life, who became quiet instruments of His grace and who reminded me of His presence in ways I did not immediately recognize. He worked through small, ordinary moments: a kind word, an unexpected opportunity, a strength I didn’t know I had. I may not have seen Him clearly then, but He was there—in every corner of my life.

I was not abandoned. I was just too blinded by my own pain and questions to acknowledge Him.

Holy Week reminds me that even Jesus experienced suffering, abandonment, and darkness. The cross was not just a symbol of pain—it was a moment where everything seemed lost. And in many ways, I see myself in that story: moments where my faith felt like it was dying, where hope seemed buried.

But Easter changes everything.

Easter is a reminder that darkness is never the end of the story. Just as Christ rose from the dead, bringing light out of the grave, I am reminded that my own struggles, doubts, and failures do not define me. They are not the final chapter. God can bring life out of my brokenness, clarity out of my confusion, and faith out of my doubt.

This Holy Week, I choose to be honest with God—not just in my faith, but even in my questions. And this Easter, I choose to open my eyes a little more—to recognize that He has always been there, even when I failed to see Him.

Because maybe God was never absent. Maybe I was just learning how to find Him. (Alexis Joy Abacahin | HCDC Intern)