Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry

Dear Ate Emz,

Good day po sa lahat. Gusto ko lang po mag share ng aking sitwasyon ngayon.

Nakakalungkot lang aminin, pero nasa akin ang problema. Grabeng social anxiety and introvertness kasi ang meron ako. Marami na rin akong opportunities na nasayang dahil sa problema ko. Maraming friendships na nasayang dahil sa mga what ifs ko.

Hirap lang kasi wala kang kaibigan, wala kang kausap sa school, wala kang ka-chat na kaklase mo na makausap at changing ideas and infos about sa mga ganap sa school. Wala. Ako lang. Sarili ko lang. May mga lumalapit naman na ramdam ko na gusto nila makipagkaibigan, pero dahil sa thinking na “anong sasabihin ko”, “paano ako gagalaw”, “paano ako makikipagusap”, “what if hindi pala kami magka-vibes” nasasayang mga yun.

Gusto ko naman pero ang hirap mangyari dahil sa aking social anxiety, being introvert. Naapektuhan kinabukasan at pangarap ko. Kung gaano ko nilalabanan sarili ko. Every day is a battle for me to overcome myself. Ayokong maging forever na ganito na laging nasa bahay lang, walang social interaction na nagaganap. Ayokong patuloy akong lamunin ng anxiety at fear.

Gusto kong magtrabaho kaya lang dahil sa pagiging introvert, having social anxiety, hirap akong makahanap. Simpleng pagpapa-print lang mag-isa, sobrang bigat na challenge sa akin. Hindi naman ako ganito dati ba’t ngayon para akong nilamon.

Ano po ba dapat gawin?

Lolong

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Dear Lolong,

Thank you for sharing your situation. Una sa lahat, ang iyong pagkilala at pagtanggap nito ay makakatulong kung paano ito ma-manage ng husto. You see, the moment you recognize and accept what is happening to you, you can then do something about it.

Yes, social anxiety is excessive fear of social situations, natatakot ka na mapahiya, ma-judge or ma-criticize ng iba. Ang cause nito could be genetic, it runs in the family. Another could be one’s temperament, lalo na yung mga timid and shy persons or introverts. Or one cause could be experiences of having been bullied, embarrassed, or rejected.

Talagang mahirap and challenging ang sitwasyon na ito. Kagaya ng nararanasan mo, apektado na talaga ang iyong araw-araw na pamumuhay. Kasi nga, as you mentioned, maraming opportunities ang ma miss mo. It is good that you also mentioned na ayaw mong maging forever na lang na ganito ang buhay mo at magiging future mo. Ang pag recognize mo nito is one step towards managing this condition.

Ano ang mga dapat gawin? Una sa lahat, dapat mong malaman na ang social anxiety ay isang mental health condition. Ito ang ibang mga maari mong gawin upang ma manage mo ang iyong sarili:

Identify particular situations that make you feel anxious. Sa ganitong paraan ma pinpoint mo kung ano ang mga maari mong gawin upang ma-overcome or ma-manage and mga ito effectively.

Talk to someone you trust about what makes you feel anxious. This could make you feel relieved dahil nailabas mo ang iyong mga nararamdaman. Ang sabi nga nila, a problem/situation shared is half of the problem solved.

Manage your worries. Try to change your thinking patterns, change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Minsan kasi mas nag-dominate ang mga negative thoughts and these make you feel weak in facing certain situations.

Increase your social interactions gradually…one step at a time, one person at a time, one situation at a time. Be patient with yourself, persevere in spite of some failed attempts in your efforts to gain self-confidence.

Maari ka rin magkaroon ng journal where you can freeze into words your feelings para mailabas na ito sa iyong sistema. Sa ganitong paraan ma monitor mo ang iyong growth and progress especially sa mga situations na nahihirapan kang i-manage.

Face your fears. Minsan kasi magnified sa isip natin ang mga bagay na kinatatakutan natin. Try to find out where these fears are coming from and from there it is easier to identify ways of dealing with them.

Try to distract yourself from all the worries and negative thoughts. Doing something that shows kindness to someone in your own little way could be a big step towards the social interaction that you aspire to achieve. A simple smile, a helping hand to someone who needs it, one kind word to someone you noticed is discouraged, etc… Yes, these require going out of yourself, and doing so is indeed a very humbling gesture on your part. In short, forget yourself and think of others. Many times kasi, thinking too much of yourself makes you an unhappy person.

Seek help from mental health professional. They can provide certain interventions like talking therapy and other ways of coping or overcoming social anxiety. Meron din mga online support groups na maari mong masalihan, at least ma-realize mo na hindi ka nag-iisa sa iyong situation.

More importantly, behind all these efforts, try to live out the words of St. Padre Pio, “pray, hope, and don’t worry”… this is an assurance that everything will turn out in your favor because it is the Lord’s guiding hand that will provide you with the directions and the necessary graces you will need to be able to overcome your difficulties and finally manage your condition effectively and in accordance to His will.

Remember, prayer is our only strength. Nothing is impossible with God!

God bless you more.
Ate Emz